#12 How I sabotage myself
For some reason, the excitement of taking on a new project is slowly fading away. This is the first time I'm leading such a large project, and everything needs to be perfect. But it's not. I have no idea what I'm doing, how I am supposed to behave as a leader, how to persuade and inspire others, set efficient processes in place, and how I am supposed to be when talking with other internal leaders. And, on top of that, I'm questioning myself - "who are you to do this project?". You can definitely notice the impostor syndrome and the inner saboteur controlling me and making me doubt myself. Not only that, but my confidence is also diminishing.
Sounds familiar?
And you know what's funny? That I volunteered for this project, and I want to do all this. But, when your work has high visibility and is expected to have a big impact on the company, you tend to put A LOT of pressure on yourself. And even think that you are the only one that has to do everything, that the success of the project is linked to your own performance, and since you are the leader, you have to be on top of everything.
I've found myself in this situation and with all these feelings a couple of times now. And I am sure I am not the only one. Here is what helped me move forward:
Talk with someone and ask for help - be your manager, a colleague, a friend, or a coach. You are not alone; you probably have an entire team that could support you. You don’t have to do everything on your own.
Quiet down those inner voices - it sounds simple and cheesy but telling yourself, "I can do this, I got this" will help even a bit.
Pause and remember who you are at your core. Why are you leading this project? What impact do you want to have? Who do you want to be once you deliver the project? How can you share that passion with others?
Look back at everything you've done so far. As a perfectionist, I don't slow down to remember and celebrate all the good things. Write down a list of all your achievements. Then, write down all the things you want to do next - who are you becoming?
We are all leaders in one shape or another. Having a title doesn't mean you're actually one; actions and behaviors will define you instead. Connect back with who you really are. What internal resources do you have that you can tap in to help you move forward?
Take a break - work on something else, read a sci-fi or mystery novel, take a day off or go traveling for the weekend. Let your mind wander. From that place of calmness and relaxation, what is now possible?
There is no perfect formula, and what works for me might not work for you. But, do pause and recognize the signs and then take action. What is causing you to be stressed all the time? What is the worst-case scenario for the situation you're in now? Where is your attention? What keeps you going?
Stay curious,
Flo